Friday, May 12, 2006

Review: Tomb of Terror (2004)

1 out of 5 stars
Rented out 5 Full Moons last night and this is the first I watched. Tomb of Terror is an anthology of three "short" films which are actually 3 full length Full Moon films re-edited and "re-energized". Although the idea is neat, regular Full Moon viewers will be severely disappointed by the end product: 3 very chopped, almost incoherent shorts.
The transfer to DVD is terrible. It looks as though they used a regular old VHS/DVDr machine and made the transfer from a used rental video. You may get a headache watching all of the frame shakes.
I'll take the 3 stories as they come:
1. "Ascent from Hell", edited from the Full Moon feature, Dark Angel: The Ascent directed by Linda Hassani. Unfortunately, Full Moon Direct doesn't offer the full length movie on DVD yet. It is easily a 5 out of 5 stars and the re-edited and "re-energized" version here doesn't do the original the justice it deserves. (I always thought Dark Angel would be an excellent Full Moon serial.)
Best quote: Veronica's Mom: "You've got to apologize to your father, and promise him you'll give up these crazy ideas of yours. Otherwise, he may feel he has to destroy you." Note: her father is torturer in hell who punches guys in the nuts and cuts off their tongues....
Veronica is a hot hellspawn who decides to pay us mortals a visit. She falls in love with a doctor and begins a crusade against evil in her own ghastly way. What follows is a satanic Bewitched where heaven has decided the mayor of our unknown city must go.
The movie is atmospheric, funny, gory and a great effort from Full Moon. This frigged-up version stinks; but, it's the best of the three by far.
2. "Infinite Evil", edited from the Full Moon feature, Lurking Fear directed by C. Courtney Joyner. Jeffrey Combs fans beware: take the time to find a used version of the original. You'll spend the first 10 minutes of this re-edit just trying to figure out the plot.
Best quote: Dr. Specs (played by the great Vincent Schiavelli): "Wow, Syd, you're worth more dead than you ever were alive."
This will be a short review: A cemetery full of cannibals who come out to feed during thunderstorms is under siege from a kick-ass hottie and her crew, who in turn, are under siege from a group of criminals looking for a corpse stuffed with loot. I've never seen the original movie, so none of this plot made sense until near the end of the short. Basically, you've got a heist movie with too many turns of fate and really, some tame cannibals.
3. "Eternal Damnation", edited from the Full Moon Feature, Talisman directed by David DeCoteau (not Victoria Sloan, as noted on the credits of the feature). Not a good movie. Not a good re-edited movie, either.
Best quote: The Black Angel: "Ah, tears of young men: are they not the most poignant of all?"
The famous Full Moon castle in Romania plays a creepy boy's school in Eastern Europe for rich, troublemakers. Our hero is neither rich, nor troublemaker - he's an orphan! The baddie is a pasty, chrome-domed, red-eyed antichrist who rips flaming hearts from schoolboy chests. Luckily for humanity, our hero is both mischievous and curious enough to figure it out and save the day in a really piss-poor ending.
Horrorvision Review (note: I'd try to find someone with a better opinion of this dreck, but was unable...)

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Anonymous james Burgy said...

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11:59 AM  

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