Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Review: The Horrible Doctor Bones (2000)

1 out of 5 full moons
Let's just say that I recognize the sets from Killjoy. That's really all I need say about The Horrible Doctor Bones. It's horrible.
There are no best quotes to share with you. There are no thoughts of giving this a 2-full moon rating simply because "they tried". They didn't. After reviewing these post-90's Full Moon films it's really easy to see why the company was failing. I'll give credit to Band for trying hard to regroup after the Paramount deal fell through. He got some young guns (Draven, Bookwalter, Albright) to get some stuff shot on digital. He also hooked up with Big City Pictures to distribute their low-budget "urban" horror movies. And while it's all commendable that Band didn't fold in the tent and leave town, he really should have. The amount of garbage that Mel Johnson Jr's Big City team and the aforementioned Tempe Video team put out really sullied Band's empire.
While the new Full Moon Features may be working on even leaner budgets than these pre-collapse films, I'll take Gingerdead and Doll Graveyard over this Big City drivel any day.
The plot is a touch convoluted and really dumb: Dr. Bones is a music mogul and a witchdoctor who wants to synchronize his voodoo zombie chants with some fresh hip-hop and send it out to the world and turn us all into live zombies. It's a Pinky and the Brain episode. Bland acting, really cheap sets, five-dollare special effects and really rotten pacing don't help.
At least Pinky and Brain had a catchphrase...

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