Review: Doll Graveyard (2005)

3 out of 5 full moons

So, Charles Band has released 3 movies under the new incarnation that is Full Moon Features cum Wizard Entertainment. All three are about 60 minutes long. All three have basically a single set. All three have minimal characters. And, of course, all three have small and marketable mini-killers: Marvin the Homunculus from the piss-poor Decadent Evil, the Busey-cookie from the piss-and-vinegar The Gingerdead Man, and finally the four little killer puppet dolls from Doll Graveyard.

This is the last of the three new releases that I'm reviewing and is the hardest review to develop. I'm completely wishy-washy about the film. There's so much good in the premise, there's some funny deaths, some lovingly crafted mini-killers, that I gravitated for a long time (I watched this one with notecard in hand about 3 months ago) towards a good, solid 4-full-moon rating. But, alas, there is too little in this film.

I'd start with the running time ripoff (60 minutes!), but I discussed that ad nauseum in my Gingerdead and Decadent reviews. I would follow with being pissed off that the cool killer dolls only get about 5 minutes of screentime, but isn't that every Full Moon feature? Finally, I could groan about the gore efx, or lack thereof, but then we're talking about a 100-grand flick here, aren't we?

There's enough promise in the premise to get the film going: little girl is mistakenly killed by her more-than-austere father and buried in a hole in the backyard with her 4 little dolls: samurai doll, baby doll, African tribesman doll, and kaiser doll. And, yeah the dolls are pretty racially denigrating, but Band's idea was that they look like something from the early 1900's or something...

The film then follows a motherless family about 100 years later who have moved into the house. Nerdboy finds doll and father goes on a date so slutty older sister throws a party (need to get some offables into the house). Mayhem ensues (and lots of fake thunder and lightning), though not much, but there are a few bits of inspiration which I'll leave for you to discover.

So, I've given a wishy-washy rating. If you're a Full Moon fan, rent the damn thing (although you probably already have). If you're not and the Puppet Masters flicks, Demonic Toys flicks, Blood Dolls, or any of the other mini-killers do not amuse you, stay away. Stay very away.

Other Reviews: Warrenzone, Cold Fusion, Horror Channel.

Review: Decadent Evil (2005)

2 of 5 stars

Another 2-star flick, this one part of the newer incarnation of Full Moon, called Full Moon Features, a subsidiary of Wizard Entertainment. Another 70-minute movie, if you count the long credits and the stock footage from Vampire Journals.

The plot for Decadent Evil is easy enough to follow, since the whole plot is divulged in a boring series of plot dumps and throwaway scenes that make up most of the movie.

Best Quote: Dex: "Alright guys, take your hands out of your pants and put them together for Cashmere. And, remember tipping is not a country in China...."

I can't believe I thought this, but: the opening strip club scene is way too long, or way too boring, or mostly some of both. Luckily there are just enough highlights to get you through to the superb ending.

Phil Fondacaro has a few good lines, but is a pretty inept "badass vampire killer" carrying a big duffel bag with nothing more than some garlic powder, and two dull, wooden stakes. The other highlight would be the terrible written opening kills with the Joe Pesci soundalike and his reluctant-to-go-to-a-stripclub-and-get-in-a-threesome girl.

And then we get to the ending. An ending I could never get enough of. A laugh-out-loud ending that ranks as one of the best cinematic denouments of all time!

Other reviews: ColdFusion, the Horror Channel.

Review: The Gingerdead Man (2005)

4 out of 5 stars

I rented The Gingerdead Man last night. I think the Hollywood Video clerk smirked when I put my head down to find my membership card in my wallet, but I can't be sure.

I was actually a bit excited about the movie. It's been a long time since I've seen new Full Moon blood. So, first out of the gate is a serial killin' cookie played by the drunk and scaryfunny Gary Busey. Obviously, it's campy, and a little bit fun, and a little bit gory.

But, I'm a bit pissed that Band and co. would charge $19.99 for a 60-minute movie. Even the rental fee (it's considered a "new release") seemed a bit much. Maybe a dollar to rent and five to buy would be fair.

Best Quote: Amos: "Let's get the lights on. I wanna see this fucker when I blast him to crumbs."

Best Quote 2: Brick: "A mosh pit of tag-team damage and body slammage. And, in this corner: the Butcher Baker!"

The plot is no more convoluted than any other "serial-killer-comes-back-to-life-as-a-blank" flick. And there isn't much wasted momentum which is key to a flick like this, and obviously the result of Charles Band's ever efficient direction.

Gary Busey is paydirt! Hopefully, Gingerdead will be the beginning of a Full Moon renaissance for Mr. Crazy. One can only dream. His voice as the cookie, spewing out "Take that punk BITCH!!" invective is highlight-reel material. As is his opening scene, in full crazyBusey serial killin' glory.

The supporting cast is as good as needs be and a bit better. They seem to have a good old Texas Dazed and Confused sensibility. Especially noteworthy is "Amos", the funny, pure-hearted town delinquent who wears a "Pull My Finger" t-shirt.

I have only two problems (a bit nitpicky, I know):

1. the oven-baked mom didn't look all that oven-baked. Where's the gore?

2. The 30 or so shots that the cookie gets off with a six-shooter is kinda ridiculous.

Anyhow, overall a happy, if brief, return to the director's chair for Mr. Band has produced this bizarre little piece of film magic. I heartily endorse, and screw that sniveling gimp at Hollywood Video.

(found a good interview with Charles Band, which mentions all of his new projects and some back story on his career and the Full Moon label)

Other reviews: Draven99, Coldfusion Video Reviews, B-Ware the Blog, Dr. Gore, Horror's Not Dead